The Gourmand Caveman

This week’s excerpt from the Foxhunter’s Guide to Great Sex, under the Primal Urges heading, is:

Tally-Ho Tip #2:

Become a Gourmand Caveman.

You can tell how someone makes love by watching how he eats his food. There are Gobblers and there are Gourmands.

The Gobbler likes food, likes it very much in fact. But he’s too self-focused and goal-oriented to savor the meal placed before him. He wants to get to the payoff as quickly as possible, that big, satisfying BUUUURRRPPP! When the plate’s empty — which takes all of two minutes — he’s outta there. He knows what he likes and, more importantly, what he doesn’t like. Not that he’s tried very many things in his life. He’s found what works to satisfy his narrow appetite and can’t be bothered to venture out into unknown territory where things might taste bad, even if it means he might also find some new things that taste incredibly great. Nope, stick to the good old meat-and-potatoes, gobble ’em down, get the job done with a minimum of muss-and-fuss, and then move on to something else — like a good nap.

A Gourmand (similar to a gourmet only not so picky) also likes food very much. He likes all kinds of food: Food he knows, food he’s never tried; food that takes hours of preparation, food he can pop right into his mouth; food that looks delicious and food that looks weird. It’s all good. It’s about satisfying his hunger, yes, but it’s much more than that. It’s an adventure. It’s about savoring the experience, taking the time to enjoy each mouthful, to appreciate the whole encounter. When the meal’s over, he wants to talk about what worked, what didn’t, what could have been done differently (a little more flavoring here, a little less spice there), what were the best parts, what he’d like to try again. 

Foxhunting, like great sex, is a Gourmand-style experience. It takes time, focus, and preparation to do it right. Some days the effort pays off, some days it doesn’t. But it’s all good. It’s all an adventure. And when it’s over, the pleasure continues by talking about the experience, the high points and pitfalls, what worked and what didn’t, what you’d like to do differently next time and what’s worth trying again. It never becomes boring, is never something you’d like to get over with quickly. You want it to last a long time whenever you do it and when it’s over your appetite soon starts to build for the next outing.

The Gobbler’s still a few notches down on the evolutionary scale. He’s got the “Sex good!” part figured out okay. What the Gobbler doesn’t realize is that every woman is a Gourmand. She values the full experience — the anticipation, preparation, participation, and, eventually, the payoff. A little reflective discussion afterward doesn’t hurt either. Just like sharing a fine meal…or a great day out with hounds. Which is one more point to support my claim that foxhunters are the sexiest people on the planet. No Gobblers allowed, only Gourmand Cavemen need apply.